Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
