when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
