I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
