I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
