shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
