oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
