hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
