I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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