After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
