I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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