im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
