How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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