So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
