Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
