I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
