She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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