The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
