Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
