Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
