You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I smell like Dick and happiness
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