I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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