i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
