i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
