it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
