I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
