I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
