Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize