im drinking this country out of the recession.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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