shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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