He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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