there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
