We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
