Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
