the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
