So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
