i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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