I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is my gift to your gina
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
