Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
