so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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