i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
