we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
