I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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