16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
no you cant smoke seaweed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
