i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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