i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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