I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
