Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
