Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
