He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
