perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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