Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
