it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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