Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
