apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
