So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize