Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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