can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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