I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
