Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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