Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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