My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
