I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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