Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
