You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
