i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
