I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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