i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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