trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you had me at cake vodka
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
