M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
