i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
