i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
