I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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