Can i not drive my cunt home
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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