Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
