i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
