Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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