It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
