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You made me cry and you don't even care
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Randomize
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