ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?