It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.