On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dating After Heartbreak
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.