Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show

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(970): i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show http://tfl.nu/yysf

Replies (5) Good night (1978) Bad night (1439)
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(443): View more from Maryland

So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.

(443): View more from Maryland

It breaks. We fall.

(443): View more from Maryland

I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?

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(443): So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in. (443): It breaks. We fall. (443): I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys? http://tfl.nu/201c

Replies (14) Good night (558) Bad night (3130)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!

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(413): DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!! http://tfl.nu/zcda

Replies (15) Good night (5212) Bad night (567)
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(517): View more from Michigan

I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...

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(517): I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night... http://tfl.nu/z2d7

Replies (15) Good night (5512) Bad night (964)
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(210): View more from Texas

remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues

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(210): remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues http://tfl.nu/3lxf

Replies (9) Good night (805) Bad night (1707)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.

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(570): I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem. http://tfl.nu/6woq

Replies (3) Good night (2821) Bad night (843)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES

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(604): We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES http://tfl.nu/h0lt

Replies (1) Good night (1320) Bad night (458)
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(586): View more from Michigan

We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.

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(586): We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate. http://tfl.nu/plc2

Replies (2) Good night (1865) Bad night (748)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.

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(703): I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful. http://tfl.nu/9vwb

Replies (1) Good night (1122) Bad night (853)
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(786): View more from Florida

the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...

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(786): the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words... http://tfl.nu/e7uv

Replies (0) Good night (1088) Bad night (543)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"

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(250): His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer" http://tfl.nu/we03

Replies (5) Good night (1291) Bad night (593)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business

(314): View more from Missouri

Way to promote small business.

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(314): Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business (314): Way to promote small business. http://tfl.nu/n30m

Replies (3) Good night (1496) Bad night (397)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him

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(732): You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him http://tfl.nu/pbux

Replies (1) Good night (827) Bad night (376)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...

(860): View more from Connecticut

Tuesday

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(508): What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you... (860): Tuesday http://tfl.nu/gel8

Replies (4) Good night (1817) Bad night (452)
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(650): View more from California

At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.

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(650): At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe. http://tfl.nu/ot23

Replies (2) Good night (968) Bad night (376)

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